by Jenna | May 3, 2011 | Reflections
I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to enjoying my life more.
I’m kind of an all work and no play kind of girl. I easily fall into a more “masculine” approach to my life and my business: I’ve inherited a strong delayed gratification mentality. I push myself hard to get to the outcome I want, delaying rewards. I’m better (there’s always more) at not neglecting the self-care the way I used to, but I don’t get around to the really fun, delicious, Life Savoring that I want to be enjoying. At least not until recently.
In part because of my own calling in this direction, I’ve been paying close attention to spending my precious time wisely in work or at play.
Here’s what I’ve been putting my focus on, and I’d love to hear how you’re inspired by this and how you decide to use your precious time:
1. Enjoying what I’m actually doing, no matter how simple or mundane.
As an Enneagram Four, it’s all too easy for me to get all dramatic about doing “special” things (you know, grand sweeping gestures and the like) and to poo-poo the ordinary and the mundane.
But those seemingly “little” moments are what add up to the beauty of life — watching my son run around with other kids on the lawn. Folding laundry while listening to my husband read to our little guy. Snuggling up watching a movie together. You know.
2. Prioritizing “real life” activities.
As a creative entrepreneur who operates largely in the virtual world (blogging and writing on my computer, speaking with clients by phone or Skype), I’m making a point to emphasize more real life experiences too, like spending time in the garden with my hands in the rich soil, creating community experiences in our neighborhood like the fabulous progressive dinner we had over the weekend, or simply sitting in the sunshine on my front porch while holding coaching calls.
3. Turning off the virtual world.
I’m also making a point to unplug more from the iTouch, Twitter, Facebook, and my computer. They are seductively engaging, but I find my time swirling away from me into a vortex of web searches and information indulgences.
4. Taking small daily steps to move me towards my big dream rather than looking for single massive actions.
This is a big pitfall for me — I look for giant blocks of time to do one project, but then never QUITE get around to it. I’m learning to take “turtle steps,” as Martha Beck trained coach Jill Winski calls them, consistently. And consistently again.
I received a reminder of this on Twitter via @AdviceToWriters over the weekend from Anthony Trollope (a 19th century novelist):
For me, this includes taking small steps to take care of the business of living, like keeping up with my book keeping and paperwork, as well as the business of living my Life Purpose. That way, I don’t get overwhelmed and feel unable to keep moving ahead with my Big Dream.
5. Choosing a grounded approach.
There’s a lot of conversation around integrating the masculine with the feminine. About being goddesses in our own lives. I agree.
I think it’s also about being grounded in remembering what really matters. For me, that is my inner sense of well-being, my connection with my son, my relationship with my husband, my connections with the communities of people I care about, and fulfilling my big dreams.
Despite what my mind and ego like to say to the contrary about achieving my big dreams, it’s not ONLY about “making it happen” or “getting it done.” I want to ENJOY my life along the way, have FUN while I’m doing it, no matter what my current circumstances are — no matter how much money I have or don’t have, no matter how much sleep I’m getting or not getting, no matter how many clients I have or don’t have, etc., etc., ad nauseum.
by Jenna | Apr 26, 2011 | Writing Articles
Resistance is swirling all around us this week.
Are You Resisting Success?
Steven Pressfield, one of my heroes and the author of The War of Art, says in his new book Do The Work: “The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”
All the more reason to go for it, right?
Another favorite piece of advice from Steven Pressfield is about how to choose which one of your ideas to pursue first: The one that scares you the most.
The Many, Many Forms of Resistance
Then today as I was reading “Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength” in The Artist’s Way, I found the concept of Resistance coming up big time. Julia Cameron talks about the creative blocks we come up with to avoid our art:
- I’m too old. (age block)
- What am I going to get out of it? (finished product block)
- I’m too busy. (workaholism)
- I have more important things to do first. (workaholism)
- I have to overhaul my whole life first. (drama)
Taking Action to Overcome Resistance
Julia makes the point that we must take small, daily, creative actions to accomplish our creative goals rather than looking for one big sweeping gesture. This is one of my biggest pitfalls.
Steven Pressfield makes a similar point about showing up every day, to do the work.
Jennifer Louden says, “Just. Do. The. Writing.“
Sonia Choquette taught us, “Suit up. Shut up. Show Up.” (I’m fairly certain she attributes this teaching to Julia Cameron herself.)
What To Do With All This
At the end of our session today, we outlined our Secret [Big] Dreams. “In a perfect world, I would secretly love to be a ______________.” My answer: A published author.
Then we identified our “true north” for that dream — the how-you-know-when-you-get-there goal. Mine: A real physical book published with a core group 0f raving fans.
We picked a mentor for that dream. (Mine: Steven Pressfield. Seems obvious!)
Then we identified a 5 year vision and a 1 year action plan. My one year action plan looked like this: Write regularly. Get clear on what to focus on.
So I asked myself, “Of all my ideas, what would scare me the most?” The answer: A creativity book. (Holy shit, Batman.)
My participants asked why — my “Who do I think I am?” stories come up fast. But I’m ready to go there anyway. So now I know what my book is about, and I can get to work on it along with my screenplay (which I’ve been working on this week, hurrah!). Yowza.
by Jenna | Apr 20, 2011 | Science Fiction, Writing Articles
I was reminded of a novel I read called Agent to the Stars by John Scalzi.
The book is a fun, lighthearted romp about a film agent who ends up being the P.R. guy for a group of ugly aliens wanting to be accepted by the earthlings despite their extremely off-putting appearance and odor. A highly entertaining read and clever story, to say the least.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Beyond the unusual plot line, what particularly endeared me to the book was that it was Scalzi's very first novel and one he wrote as a "practice" novel just so he could say that he had done it (and to impress his classmates at his 10 year high school reunion :) ).
Here's what he has to say about it on his website (where, by the way, you can read the whole novel):
"In sitting down to write the novel, I decided to make it easy on myself. I decided first that I wasn't going to try to write something near and dear to my heart, just a fun story. That way, if I screwed it up (which was a real possibility), it wasn't like I was screwing up the One Story That Mattered To Me. I decided also that the goal of writing the novel was the actual writing of it -- not the selling of it, which is usually the goal of a novelist. I didn't want to worry about whether it was good enough to sell; I just wanted to have the experience of writing a story over the length of a novel, and see what I thought about it. Not every writer is a novelist; I wanted to see if I was.
"Making these two decisions freed me from a lot of the usual angst and pain that comes from writing a first novel. This was in all respects a 'practice' novel -- a setting for me to play with the form to see what worked, and what didn't, and what I'd need to do to make the next novel worth selling."
The genius of this was that it freed him from the zeitgeist of perfectionism (a trap many of us, including me, know only too well) and allowed him to loosen up, have some fun, and get into action with Doing The Writing.
He made some attempts at selling it, but wasn't able to, so he ended up posting it online for donations from people if they liked it on a kind of "shareware" basis. (Love that!) He was later invited to do a limited edition hardcover release of the book in 2005 and then in paperback in 2008.
Build Your Confidence
Magically, he says, "...between the writing of this novel and the publication of [my second novel], five other books slipped out of my brain, due in some measure to my confidence that I could write book-length works, be they fiction or non-fiction."
Love that, too.
Isn't it fascinating how simply Doing The Writing (or Doing The Work) helps us to build the confidence we think we need "before" we can do it "for real." This clever guy found a way to do both at once.
(On a similar note, funny how this often comes up for entrepreneurs, coaches, and artists around having enough "credibility" to do what we want to do. So often I hear people talking about getting "certified" first, taking one more training, getting the "right" website designed, or crafting the "right" progam. I make those mistakes too -- my coach just busted me on this very thing this very morning, hello!)
So.
There is nothing like finding small ways to get started to help build your confidence around new skills.
For instance, I took a screenwriting class last summer and then signed myself up for a short screenplay writing competition to put my skills to the test. And my first script came in 3rd place in my group! My two subsequent scripts did not "score" in quite the same way, but simply the act of creating all of them gave me a sense of confidence and comfort around putting the pieces together to make a plausible script.
Since I have never written any fiction before this, I was so pleased with gaining the sense of, "Oh, yes, I can do this!" Even if I have more to learn (there's always more), I'm off to a good start.
Reminds me of what someone told me was one of my lessons to learn in life: "With creativity comes confidence."
by Jenna | Apr 20, 2011 | Science Fiction
I was reminded of a novel I read recently called Agent to the Stars by John Scalzi.
The book is a fun, lighthearted romp about a film agent who ends up being the P.R. guy for a group of ugly aliens wanting to be accepted by the earthlings despite their extremely off-putting appearance and odor. A highly entertaining read and clever story, to say the least.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Beyond the unusual plot line, what particularly endeared me to the book was that it was Scalzi's very first novel and one he wrote as a "practice" novel just so he could say that he had done it (and to impress his classmates at his 10 year high school reunion :) ).
Here's what he has to say about it on his website (where, by the way, you can read the whole novel):
"In sitting down to write the novel, I decided to make it easy on myself. I decided first that I wasn't going to try to write something near and dear to my heart, just a fun story. That way, if I screwed it up (which was a real possibility), it wasn't like I was screwing up the One Story That Mattered To Me. I decided also that the goal of writing the novel was the actual writing of it -- not the selling of it, which is usually the goal of a novelist. I didn't want to worry about whether it was good enough to sell; I just wanted to have the experience of writing a story over the length of a novel, and see what I thought about it. Not every writer is a novelist; I wanted to see if I was.
"Making these two decisions freed me from a lot of the usual angst and pain that comes from writing a first novel. This was in all respects a 'practice' novel -- a setting for me to play with the form to see what worked, and what didn't, and what I'd need to do to make the next novel worth selling."
The genius of this was that it freed him from the zeitgeist of perfectionism (a trap many of us, including me, know only too well) and allowed him to loosen up, have some fun, and get into action with Doing The Writing.
He made some attempts at selling it, but wasn't able to, so he ended up posting it online for donations from people if they liked it on a kind of "shareware" basis. (Love that!) He was later invited to do a limited edition hardcover release of the book in 2005 and then in paperback in 2008.
Build Your Confidence
Magically, he says, "...between the writing of this novel and the publication of [my second novel], five other books slipped out of my brain, due in some measure to my confidence that I could write book-length works, be they fiction or non-fiction."
Love that, too.
Isn't it fascinating how simply doing the writing helps us to build the confidence we think we need "before" we can do it "for real." This clever guy found a way to do both at once.
So.
There's nothing like finding small ways to get started to help build your confidence around new skills.
Image by Reimund Bertrams from Pixabay
by Jenna | Mar 26, 2011 | Reflections
My dad apparently started a topic about me and my old job flipping hot dogs on his Cal Sports website last year and I thought it was funny enough to warrant sharing with you.
It’s true: I used to run a top dog in Montclair (Oakland, California).
It was pretty much the antithesis of the textbook job for a sensitive soul — loud, busy, rushed, etc — but I have to say, I loved it. Plus it was so good for me — it helped me find my voice and learn how to manage a crowd. The job consisted of taking hot dog and soda orders from a busy crowd of customers, yelling at the top of my lungs to coordinate all their requests and money and everything, and trying to keep a jam-packed grill of orders straight in my head. Crazy fun. :)
(N.B. The names listed here are the user names they all use on the sports forums. My dad is GreyBear. I’ve edited the thread a bit for relevance.)
“My daughter – Top Dog Manager”
GreyBea: Years ago – [she] ran the whole store, managed employees, cooked dogs, etc. Could we maybe start a draft movement to get her to run a concession at Cal/Memorial? That’s the one sure way I know to get the kind of dogs we all want to have available there.
(Investors needed.)
(She won’t do it.)
KoreAmBear: I’d be interested in investing. Congrats GB. Someone who can run a food business is someone who can make things happen. [Editor’s note: so true!] So you’re talking about after the remodel? That would be stinkin’ cool.
OneTopOneChickenApple: Will it still be $3 a dog?
Calumnus: I’d love to be involved. Great dogs and the best non-alcoholic beer we can find.
OneTopOneChickenApple: Greybear is The Man. Direct Hotline to Athletic Department and Top Dog and BearInsider boss. Count me in too, although I may only be able to invest in napkin and ketchup packet supplies.
sctawndawg: I wont invest any money but ill buy a few hot dogs every other year when SC goes up north to beat you guys.
GB54: Your daughter must have developed a lot of skills you don’t learn in books. I’ve always wondered how they hire these guys who can remember and have 58 orders going.
FremontBear: If your daughter ran Top Dog, then sight unseen, she’s better than the outfit running Memorial concessions. Ten bucks for a Polish and a drink??? Costco sells that combo for $1.50! I don’t mind Cal sports make good prfits, but at least give me the illusion my $10 is actually not that bad a ripoff. What kinds of numbers are we talking about as investment…?
GB54: Hell, if she was a top dog manager she’d be wasted in Memorial. I’d put her in charge of the Afghanistan war.
FremontBear: And the Federal Reserve too!
