by Jenna | Jun 13, 2012 | Writing Articles
I was emailing with a beloved client this week who was concerned about setting herself up for failure by taking on something she might not be ready for.
I said, "It's not about failing or not failing, it's about learning what works for you and what doesn't, and refining until it does."
She made a great choice to take a midway step toward the thing she was considering.
In the meantime, our conversation got me thinking about failure and our relationship to it.
The Payoff of Incapacity
Then today I started reading Steven Pressfield's new book, Turning Pro: Tap Your Inner Power and Create Your Life's Work. (If you haven't read his stuff, don't wait. He's amazing.) He says:
"There's a difference between failing (which is a natural and normal part of life) and being addicted to failure. When we're addicted to failure, we enjoy it. Each time we fail, we are secretly relieved."
He argues that when you remain addicted to failure you allow yourself to indulge in the "payoff of incapacity." And what's the payoff there? Leaving your talents "unexplored, untried, and unrealized."
And doesn't that make sense?
Let's face it, fulfilling your dreams is wickedly terrifying. What if you do fail? What if you can't rise to the challenge?
It's safer not to try. Easier to stay addicted to failure.
But you don't really want to be a zombie, right?
To me, the risk of not trying is much more costly.
Our culture is filled with shadow people -- speaking of zombies, these are the real walking dead -- never pursuing their hopes and dreams, selling out for the American dream and not living their own.
We pay with our souls when we don't do our Work.
Edison Knew Better
In various online sources, the numbers differ about exactly how many times Thomas Edison failed when he attempted to make a light bulb, but there is agreement on one thing: He made so many attempts that most of us would have given up long before he did. LONG before.
His take on the situation was to say that he had not failed, but rather proven that all those other methods did not work.
Design Better Experiments
Which takes me back to my client and the principle I shared with her.
When we choose to see our "failures" as failed experiments, we can design new ones, and see what works better.
Create Better Systems
For example, I have been terrible about filing for years. On Monday it dawned on me that I simply need a better system and that I haven't completely finished designing that system. I've worked on it, it's better, but it isn't done. That's all. It's not that I'm a bad person or even bad at filing, it's that I don't have a workable system yet.
Look at What's Not Working
As another example, at one point I had a bad system for paying my team too. They would email me their invoices and I would procrastinate about paying them. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was that it seemed overwhelming. Sometimes I'd even be worried the invoices would be too high. I'd have to force myself to download and open their invoices, figure out how much I owed them, write the checks, address the envelopes, get them in the mail, etc. I'd do it, but it felt like pulling teeth. I was often late.
Needless to say, no one was very happy about it, so we came up with a new system.
My team members now put their invoice numbers and amounts due in the subject lines of their email messages to me. At a glance, I know exactly how much I owe them. We also made an agreement that I'd pay them no later than 2 days after I receive their invoices. And they all send them on a specific day every other week. I also have sheet of pre-printed address labels for each of them ready to go.
Now, when the time comes, I just whip out my checkbook, write out the checks, drop them in the self-sealing envelopes, decorate them with the address labels and stamps and voilà. Done.
Something I used to dread has become simple and doable, just because I took the time to create a system for it.
This Works for the Big Stuff too
When it comes to the big stuff, your Work, this works too.
For example, if you want to build your business, but you're not taking steps each day to do that, look at what's getting in the way and what you're doing instead.
If you want to write but you think you don't have the time, look -- really, truly LOOK -- at what you're doing with with your time.
If you want to put yourself out there for speaking gigs, getting more clients, doing more art, or going on more auditions, look at what you're doing, or not doing, to make that happen.
Then create a system to help you overcome the roadblocks you're unwittingly putting in your own way.
Bottom Line
The beauty of taking time to really LOOK at where your systems are breaking down -- at where you are "failing" -- is that it can make a huge difference in your sense of accomplishment and belief in yourself. Which is so worth the investment.
by Jenna | Jun 6, 2012 | Writing Articles
In a “get unstuck” session I had recently with the multi-talented Jamie Lee Scott, screenwriter and author of Let Us Prey, about a TV sitcom pilot she’s been working on, she mentioned that she kept bumping into the thought: “In the real world, that wouldn’t happen.”
In response, I helped her devise a way she could USE that objection. I had her make a list of how things work in the “real world” and then brainstorm what could happen instead in “sitcom world.” It was freeing for her to USE her doubts and concerns rather than trying to find her way around them.
Turns out, those objections were darned useful.
Get out of your own way
I think your biggest job is to get out of your own way so you can do what you were put here to do, whether it’s writing, painting, healing, speaking, coaching, creating, or some other beautiful way that you’re sharing yourself in the world.
A big part of the way I help you do that work is helping you address your fears, doubts, unsupportive questions, and inner critic’s rants — to reframe those messages and beliefs into more supportive thinking so you can carry on fulfilling your life’s calling.
It’s also worth knowing WHEN to listen to those voices of doubt and HOW to use them.
Wisdom from Walt
Walt Disney used three separate work spaces to develop his projects: One each for the dreamer, the realist, and the critic. The critic wasn’t allowed to speak in the other rooms.
A wonderful neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) technique based on Walt’s wisdom is to walk your project through each stage of development, first taking it to the dreamer, then to the realist (the planner) and finally to the critic. When you reach the critic’s room, the critic is only allowed to ask constructive questions.
The dreamer decides
And the critic is not allowed to answer the questions.
That’s the dreamer’s job.
The realist gets to help too, once it’s her turn again.
This or something better
This is when it’s useful to listen to those inner voices of doubt — when you’re ready, willing, and able to use them and turn them into something better.
On Monday I talked to my screenwriting mentor about my latest project. I told him, “It’s good but not great. It’s slow, the world-building isn’t there yet. It’s not a contest winner.” I wasn’t being negative, though it may sound like it. I was in an objective state, standing outside my work and looking at it. By brainstorming together, I got kick-started down a path that I’m even more excited about. Tons of new ideas have been cascading as a result.
The reason? The DREAMER solved the problem — brainstorming is dreaming — coming up with new ideas, looking at things from new perspectives, and being willing to shift in new directions as needed.
Put it into practice
With any creative project, there will always be doubt. Hesitation. A chance to turn back, to do it differently.
What if you took those hesitations — those objections — and used them to make your work even better?
Warmly,
by Jenna | Jun 5, 2012 | Writing Articles
Note: This is a continuation of last week’s blog post: What to do when you want to write but you’re not writing: 6 steps to get back on track. If you want to receive my special Writer’s Series of articles in your inbox, make sure you sign up for my Free Writing Tips series (see the graphic in the sidebar).
Writing regularly is easier than it looks. Like I said recently, discipline isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. My personal goal is to make NOT writing a whole lot harder than it is to write. It’s working! So far I’ve finished a feature length script, 3 shorts, a short story, and countless articles and blog posts. You can do it too.
Here are 10 tips for getting unstuck and making writing regularly a whole lot easier:
Tip #1: Brainstorm.
If you’re good and truly stuck on a specific part of your project, first try brainstorming. It’ll let your mind relax and give you a chance to “try on” ideas rather than feeling like you have to come up with the “right” one.
Then, if you’re staying stuck, check to see if you need more information — research, a class, training, a mentor, etc. It’s OKAY to get help. Really!
Tip #2: Be in community.
Writing can be a dismally lonely business at times. Sure, when you’re on fire and things are rolling, you’re fine. But what about when you hit the skids and you feel that desperate sense of isolation or feel like you’re the only one facing the fear and self-doubt? Every single writer in my sphere talks about the same challenges and issues. It’s heartening to know you are not alone.
Tip #3: Never look at a blank page.
If a blank page feels overwhelming to you, don’t use one. Start with questions, a structure, an outline, anything.
When I start a script I first outline the major story beats by numbering and listing them on the page, then I break them down into smaller beats. By the time I paste that into my screenwriting software, I’ve got a pretty good idea of where I’m headed. And I never stare at an empty page wondering what to put onto it.
Tip #4: Keep the “parts” on the table for as long as possible.
Perfectionists that we are, we are often too quick to make creative decisions and rule ideas out — often before we’ve really explored them. Give your ideas their due, and “keep the parts on the table,” as Accidental Genius author Todd Henry says, “for as long as possible.” This means that you don’t throw ANYTHING out too soon.
Tip #5: Give yourself permission to write crap.
Ernest Hemingway said, “The first draft of anything is shit.” Why would you EVER hold yourself to a higher standard than him?
I’ve been seeing a guy practicing his clarinet in a car in the parking lot lately. I love that he is doing whatever he has to do to give himself permission to be bad at something while he finds his footing.
You deserve that too.
Tip #6: Ratchet back the over-achieving.
Yes, I know it’ll take a long time to write a book in 15 minute increments (though it CAN be done — I wrote 25 pages of a script that way and Terri Fedonczak — below — finished the first draft of her parenting book that way).
I know you think you need to write for at least (1 hour, 4 hours, 8 hours) a day. Trust me when I tell you that when you’re getting back on the writing horse, that’s the surest way to shoot yourself in the foot. You can write more once you’ve got the habit firmly in place.
Start small, and start now.
Tip #7: Keep your head down.
Stop thinking of the bigger project. Keep your head down and just take it one step at a time.
As you repeat these steps, you can work up to more writing as it feels appropriate. When I started writing my last script, all I could bring myself to do was 15 minutes per day. Now I’m writing more. You’ll work up to it. Just take it one word at a time for now.
Tip #8: Deal with the fear.
Underneath resistance to writing is fear. It’s okay. Of course it’s scary. Fear is common when we face things like failure, success, the unknown, and putting our abilities to the test. You can get help with it or work with it on your own, but at the end of the day, your biggest job is getting out of your own way.
Tip #9: Avoid burnout.
It’s much more important that you write regularly and consistently in small, short bursts than it is to write in long blocks of time. Give yourself a break and pace yourself. Being a serious writer means being in it for the long haul.
Tip #10: Write early in the morning.
All those writers who have been getting up at the crack of dawn have got it wired. Writing early, before your rational brain fully kicks in and wants to do all those “important things” that keep you from writing, is so much easier than trying to wrangle it into your day later on. I’m not even a morning person and I love it.
by Jenna | Jun 1, 2012 | Writing Articles
Note: For all the naysayers who scoff when people have trouble writing — these aren’t the droids you’re looking for. You can go about your business. Move along, move along.
When you want to write, but you’re not doing it — whether not at all or not as much as you’d like — there are some simple tricks that can help get you going.
Here are some examples of times where you might see your not-writing pattern show up:
- You’ve been wanting to write but you aren’t sure what to write about.
- You know what you want to write about but you can’t find the time to write.
- You have time to write but you can’t seem to get yourself to do it — and you feel guilty and ashamed about it.
- You were writing regularly, but you just got back from a trip and you’re having trouble getting started again.
- You’re stuck on a particular part of your project and you don’t know what to do about it.
- Just looking at a blank page is overwhelming.
- Thinking of the final product (the book, the screenplay) is overwhelming and you can’t imagine how you’ll ever get there.
- You’ve had a success with your writing and you’re feeling intimidated about topping it (second novel syndrome is an example of this).
- You’re bored of the project you’re working on and you can’t think of anything else to work on that sounds remotely interesting.
First things first.
ALL of these scenarios have one thing in common: Resistance.
Resistance is that little devil we affectionately know by many names — perfectionism, procrastination, fear, doubt, apathy, etc.
Resistance is telling yourself you don’t have enough time: You do. Really. You only need a few minutes every day to get back on the horse. And it’s way less hard than you think it is. I promise.
Resistance is telling yourself you don’t care, don’t have ideas, or don’t want to write. Bull. I know you’re a writer and I know you want to write.
Let me help you.
6 steps to get back on track with your writing
Step #1: Don’t fall for the resistance.
Resistance LIES to you. It is the enemy. Resistance is not your friend. It is not the truth. It is like an energetic force you press up against when you start moving closer to your project, like you’re wading through chest-high sludge. It pushes you back. IT resists YOU.
DO NOT fall for it. Do not believe it, do not entertain it, do not listen to it.
Step #2: Start with super small baby steps.
The smallest you can muster.
Decide on the very smallest increment of writing that feels totally, completely, 100% attainable.
My recommendation? Somewhere between 5 to 15 minutes per day.
Step #3: Use a timer.
Get out your paper, your file, whatever you want to work on. Set your timer for the time you agreed upon with yourself. Write for that entire length of time. Don’t stop until the timer dings.
If you’re fresh out of ideas, do morning pages, use writing prompts, or answer questions from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way or The Vein of Gold. Or brainstorm concepts for your next novel or script. I don’t care what you’re doing, as long as you’re putting words on the page.
Do work on these with an eye on getting clear what your bigger project is about if you aren’t already.
Step #4: Celebrate!
Seriously. I’m not kidding. You just overcame the massive forces of resistance. That is no small feat. It’s like destroying the Death Star every single day.
Give yourself a treat — surf on YouTube for a couple of minutes, stretch in the sunshine. No big deal, just a little acknowledgement of what you just accomplished.
Step #5: Mark time on your calendar for tomorrow and plan what you’re going to write.
Get out your calendar and schedule the time for your next writing session.
While you’re at it, decide what you’ll work on during your session.
Step #6: Continue every day.
Keep writing, incrementally, for at least 5 to 7 days out of every week. You’ll be surprised to notice that it’s much easier to get started again when you’re staying current with your project. Experiment with how much time it’s “safe” to take off.
I found pretty quickly that anything less than 5 days off is almost unbearable for me. Seven days a week on the other day, feels exhausting. I do like to have a day off.
Next time: 10 tips to make writing regularly easier — Stay tuned!
by Jenna | May 31, 2012 | Writing Articles
If you’ve got a calling (a Big Dream, vision, goal, or project) that you’re not getting to — put it on your calendar.
Simply scheduling time for the thing you SAY is important to you is how to make it happen.
(And by the way, this is true even if your project is getting clear on what your big project IS.)
Here are 5 secrets you may not be aware of when it comes to the power of your calendar and how you use it.
Secret #1: Commitment isn’t enough.
Simply deciding to do something and hoping it will happen doesn’t fly. Yes, it’s important to DECIDE and COMMIT — but you also have to actually do it.
Show me the money, baby!
There’s far too much talking about what we want, and what we’re going to do (or why we can’t and it’s too hard). At the end of the day, doing it is what counts.
Put it on your calendar.
Secret #2: “Your calendar never lies.”
. . . as Tom Peters says in his essay, “Pursuing Excellence” in the inspiring compilation book End Malaria, piloted by Michael Bungay Stainer.
What you SAY is important versus what you actually DO is telling about where you’re focusing your energy and setting your priorities.
If you want to learn to paint, for instance, you’ll need to make time for it. If you say that business development is key to moving forward with your creative entrepreneurialism, you’ve got to make a concerted effort to make that happen. If you want to write, you must make it a priority in your life and on your calendar.
If you’re not scheduling time for it, you’re not serious about making it happen. At least not yet.
Look at your calendar and see how it reflects your priorities — or not.
Secret #3: Make a divine appointment with yourself.
There’s something miraculous about scheduling time on your calendar for something important — it’s like making a sacred appointment with yourself. If you don’t show up, there’s a nagging sense inside that you’re supposed to be doing something else.
While nagging might generally not be a good thing, when it comes to your soul pestering you about fulfilling your divine calling, I’m okay with that.
Use your calendar as a tool to help you to get back on track with what you were put here to do.
Secret #4: Learn from what you don’t do as well as what you do.
When you don’t show up, you learn something about yourself and your project. You can test your commitment and ask, “Is this something I truly want to do, or is it something I think I should be doing?”
If it’s the latter, it’s time to reevaluate. A true calling is never a should.
If it’s the former, treat your lack of action as information and explore what would make it easier next time. Take a look and see where and how you’ve scheduled it — is it in the right place on your calendar? Is there something you’re doing beforehand that’s spilling over?
For example, I’ve learned that I have to write first before I do anything else. I’ve also learned that I have to go to the gym on the way home from taking my kid to school, or it’s never going to happen. This is about smart scheduling.
Pay attention to what’s working and what’s not — then make adjustments to make it easier.
Secrets #5: Discipline isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
I know I look disciplined to the outside world, writing weekly blog posts, consistently offering classes and programs, and screenwriting regularly. I gotta tell you, it isn’t discipline.
It’s a weirdly fascinating combination of calendared deadlines that are publicly announced and an inner knowing that unless I say I’m going to do something and make time for it, it ain’t gonna happen. I also make it much harder NOT to do it than it is to do it. More on that next time.
Use your calendar to inspire you to take action.
Warmly,
