by Jenna | Sep 26, 2012 | Writing Articles
In the world of coaching, particularly in career and entrepreneurial coaching, much emphasis is put on the question of what you are passionate about.
It's a direct result of the "do what you love and the money will follow" paradigm.
I've written before (here) about why I think this is the wrong question to be focused on.
So many of us are so deeply out of touch with ourselves that we feel passionless, and quite frankly, being asked to name what we are passionate about can create a heightened sense of despair and confusion.
I've also submitted to you that you must rather find the things you believe in beyond reason, the dreams that make you cry when you merely contemplate making them real, the visions that humble you with their enormity when you consider the possibility that YOU might be capable of creating them.
When you still don't know?
What do you do when you STILL don't know what that thing is?
You listen.
You listen to the voice of your soul. You listen for those little whispers and nudges that tell you exactly what you are supposed to be doing. And then you do it.
Mind you, those nudges won't be loud. But they will be consistent. You just have to pay attention. Then take action.
Case in point
I have wanted to write for years. Years! And I've been "writing," because I've been blogging, writing articles, and creating programs for the last 10 years (oh, hey! I just realized that August was my 10th year in business, I'll have to come up with a way to celebrate). But I haven't been writing on the level that I've truly wanted to -- longer, deeper writing projects.
Finally, I started taking that voice seriously. I realized that I didn't need to close my business to write, I didn't need to become suddenly independently wealthy, and I didn't need someone to wave their magic wand and give me permission to write. I just needed to do it.
In fact, when this came to head for me was when I had been repeatedly asking my Essential Self for guidance. "What do I need to do? What's in my highest and best interest? What will make me happy?" I was asking, over and over again. The message came back, clearly. She said, "Write like your life depends on it."
It STILL took me a while to get it. To understand that I didn't need to radically change my life (see above) in order to "be able" to write. I just had to do it.
Then came the passion
Miraculously, once I began writing, I discovered a shocking, all-consuming fierce passion for it I did not know I had.
In fact, despite the days when writing feels impossibly difficult, no fun at all, and my inner critic is raging at me like a blue meanie on steroids, I still absolutely adore it.
The weirdest part of all of this is that the passion did not kick in, not truly, until I was well into writing regularly -- truly DOING IT -- day in and day out.
It's led me to believe that passion follows action, not the other way around.
But I add this caveat: The action must be inspired -- it must come from the voice of your soul.
by Jenna | Aug 29, 2012 | Writing Articles
Last week I wrote about “how I do it all, or not” and promised to follow up with tricks I know that help (but don’t always use) in today’s post.
Tricks I know but don’t always use
#1 Put my own agenda first
Something I was reminded of recently is that if I start my day with email, I end up focused on other people’s needs and desires — not in the energy that will help me fulfill my bigger dreams.
It’s when I put my own work first — either my writing or other “big” tasks for the day — I’m much happier and get more accomplished.
#2 Pick out the big three
I’ve also learned that if I can start off by picking the 3 big tasks that need to be completed in a given day and focus there first, the day works out for the best.
The challenge is that usually one or all of those three things is hard and triggers resistance. It’s all too easy to want to procrastinate about them, which means other things tend to expand as a way off putting of those hard things, like when I suddenly feel that it’s critically important to organize my digital files or purge my inbox.
Facing the music and doing those tasks, whatever they are (e.g. writing a challenging section of my script or making an uncomfortable phone call) is something I work on every single day.
#3 Be clear about what you need to let go
To make all of what I do happen, I’ve given up a lot.
When I had my son, I stopped volunteering so much of my time. I hired more help for my business and gave up doing so much of it myself.
When I started writing, I gave up watching so many movies and episodic programs.
Now I still watch television, but it’s very focused (and often kid friendly). I watch one movie or show at a time, usually on some kind of streaming or DVD. I don’t have cable and we no longer get regular TV reception (can you even do that anymore?).
I also gave up a lot of late night internet browsing and started getting up early so I could focus on my writing.
Bottom line
I’m not always consistent — some day I’ll get around to talking about discipline and creativity and breaking rules — but I do find that when I use these tricks I’m much happier than when I don’t.
Warmly,
by Jenna | Aug 22, 2012 | Writing Articles
A few weeks ago, someone said to me, “I don’t know how you do it all.”
The truth is, I don’t.
I’m doing a lot, and there is a lot I’m not doing.
How I do what I do
The key distinction I see between me and other people I know is that I have learned — through pain staking trial and error — to put the hard stuff first.
In other words, I schedule time to do what’s most important to me first, which includes my writing, my work, and my family.
I work on screenwriting first thing 6 mornings a week, give or take time off for good behavior.
I have time scheduled on my calendar for marketing, learning time, administrative and financial time, writing my non-fiction articles for my site and for my ScriptMag.com column. I block out time on Fridays for longer stretches of time to write.
I have time set aside for my family, fun, and taking care of the house.
But I still don’t do it all
And, I don’t always accomplish all those things in quite the way I’d like. I learned from Miriam to use “time blocks” — to set aside the time each week, so that if I have to miss an activity one day, I know I’ve got the time for it next week for catching up.
Where I drop the ball
The biggest place I’m dropping the ball is housecleaning. My house is much less clean than I would like it to be. And, I’m okay with that. Seems to me there are more important things than a sparkling clean house.
I also give up time with family more than I’d like, and my social with girlfriends is in need of repair. I’m not so okay with that and still working on it.
Another place I drop the ball is with “extra stuff.” Lately I’ve been dealing with a slew of unusual medical appointments, paperwork, and challenging decisions. And there’s stuff I lump into the “extra” category that needs a regular time slot too, like filing.
So clearly, there’s room for improvement here.
Looking from the outside in
I think it’s always worth keeping in mind that what looks easy from the outside isn’t always so. Whether we’re looking at someone else’s relationship, business, finances, or life, we just can’t truly know what it’s like. So even if it looks like I’m “doing it all,” trust me, I’m not. And I’m mostly okay with that.
Next week — tricks I know but don’t always use.
Warmly,
by Jenna | Aug 1, 2012 | Writing Articles
Last week I wrote a post called, “Stop buying stuff and do the work.” It resonated for more than a few people — and I had promised to write more about WHY we don’t do the work.
So why don’t we do the work?
First, an example.
For years (literally) I said I wanted to write, but I managed instead to fill my plate with training after training after training, and volunteer job after volunteer job. I studied with Coach For Life and Sonia Choquette, pursuing certifications with them. I started and ran organizations like the Sensitive Professionals Network, Six Sensory San Francisco, and a Coach For Life graduates forum, not to mention working as a youth leader with a youth group.
I read (and bought) countless books on coaching, intuitive development, angels, high sensitivity and so much more. Some of them I hardly even opened.
Then I spent more time, energy, and money on learning business skills and developing my message with several high business coaches, and completing hand analysis training.
And while I don’t regret what I was doing — after all, I have tremendously deepened my self-knowledge, grown as a person, learned a ton, and met wonderful people along the way, I was keeping myself so busy that I wasn’t pursuing my true dream of writing.
Throughout that time (and for years before it), I had a nagging feeling that I was “waiting for my life to start” and yet I wasn’t taking action to change anything. Instead I was filling my time doing all those other wonderful things.
And they were wonderful — but in hindsight, it was still resistance.
What’s that about?
It’s all too easy to think we are too busy, that we don’t have enough time. Or that we just need to get better organized. Or just get this one more thing done first.
And the thing is, we feel good that we are contributing great things to the world and our community and that we are learning so much.
And we are. We do.
ALL of these things are true.
We are not bad people after all, we have good intentions and we are interested in so many things.
But why does the one true dream always fall to the bottom of the pile? Why do we make choices that keep us from our dreams?
This is not a new answer
In my case — and I suspect it is true for many people if not most — it’s fear.
This is why we buy stuff we don’t need, keep ourselves too busy to think or connect inward to our deeper selves, procrastinate, spin in circles, get apathetic, and all those other things that add up to resistance.
Because it is scary.
Pursuing your truest, deepest dream is the most frightening thing imaginable — you might not even consciously recognize that you are afraid.
It’s your own hero’s journey
Pursuing your true dream — your art, writing, business, or passion — requires massive amounts of courage. It’s your own personal hero’s journey. Every single day you have to be willing to face down your personal demons, fight the resistance, and forge ahead.
It’s no wonder we want to avoid it, right? And we are so clever that we don’t even know that’s what we’re doing.
Time to clear the decks and answer the call to adventure. It’s waiting for you.
Warmly,
by Jenna | Jul 4, 2012 | Writing Articles
I’ve got decision making on my mind.
Last week I wrote about how there’s always something that will get in the way of our dreams — if we let it. I’ve been hearing from a number of people that they just don’t have time to take action on their dream, whether it’s a business or a creative venture.
Another vein of excuses runs along the lines of not being ready, needing more training, or having to “get through” something first.
I’ve said all those things myself at one time or another.
The key to making a change is making a decision
A “Life Decision” as Dr. Phil calls it — a life changing, unalterable decision that you know you won’t go back on.
This is not the same as “trying.”
It’s not the same as “seeing how it goes.”
It means making an unequivocal decision to take a course of action because you are determined to make a change.
These aren’t decisions that come along frequently. They are LIFE decisions, after all.
Life decisions
Life decisions involve commitment to a way of being and a sense of identity, combined with taking powerful action.
Two examples:
1. When I quit smoking (I can’t believe I used to smoke either) I made a decision that I would never, ever smoke a cigarette again. I had been through too many instances of quitting and learned first hand that it was such a slippery slope for me that the only way to guarantee that I wouldn’t backslide was to vow never to do it again. I could feel the strength of that decision in my bones the moment I made it. That was in 1993. I haven’t smoked since and I never will.
2. When I founded my writing community and made a decision to think of myself as a writer, I also made a life decision. It’s not that I hadn’t been writing before — but this time I made a conscious choice to pursue writing like my life depended on it. To that end, I write 6 days a week, and I refuse to stop.
The power of decisions
I’ve seen the power of decisions first hand, particularly with my writing community members. Decisions change their lives. Those that make a decision to write and to use the system succeed. Those that sign up, but don’t make that decision — that soul-level commitment, don’t. The system can help motivate you, but it can’t make the decision for you.
The same is true with any diet, program, or system, isn’t it? The decision to get something out of it — to be all in — it’s yours, isn’t it?
On the subject of decisions
Chris Guillebeau recently wrote a great post about decisions that I think you’ll like — and make sure you also read his article about how NOT to make decisions, while you’re at it.
Warmly,
