by Jenna | Feb 18, 2016 | Writing Articles
It has been nothing if not interesting to observe myself and all the machinations I’ve gone through as I’ve brought myself closer to claiming my dream of becoming a writer.
Here’s my update:
Challenges
Well, for starters, as soon as I made the public commitment to write 4 times per week, I found myself in the quandary of putting on a live event and heading out of town, both of which required an extra level of preparation and definitely disrupted my normal routine.
Then, when we came back from L.A., I promptly came down with the “cold of the decade” and found myself completely uninterested and unwilling to write (or work, for that matter) while taking care of myself and my son, who was also sick. I promised myself that this week, I’d get back on track. And I did. Well, sort of.
Really, though, I see the cold as a giant temper tantrum. Julia Cameron describes a kriya (Sanskrit) in The Artist’s Way as “spiritual emergencies or surrender,” something designed to get our attention and say, hey, “Get it?”
I feel like this is a similar situation — On some level, I’m resisting doing the Big Writing because it terrifies me, so I choose to get sick and busy as a way to avoid doing it. Pretty creative, right?
It’s also fascinating to watch my inner critic pester me with, “it’s not creative enough, it’s not good enough,” etc.
Which reminds me, my 3rd submission, “The Gospel According to Lucky,” for the NYC Midnight Short Screenplay Challenge did not get me through to the next round, but I got some great feedback and decided I like the story enough to want to rewrite it.
So I sent it off to some writing friends for feedback, and holy smokes, did my inner critic ever go into overdrive. He (yes, my inner critic is a he) was going all crazy about why they hadn’t gotten back to me yet, that they hated it, that they were writing each other about how bad it was and couldn’t figure out what to say to me, etc. etc.
Luckily I didn’t buy it and busted my I.C. by telling my husband about what he was saying so we could both laugh at him.
One more little temper tantrum: I’m writing this on Saturday instead of Friday like I’d planned. Jeez.
Progress & Celebrations
The good news is that I DID work on my big screenplay (the title is in flux so I can’t tell you what it is yet) and I was able to outline the story even more. It’s a fascinating project. It seems like every time I sort out one bit of the story, I find 10 more unanswered questions to address. I swear this thing will just write itself once I get all these questions answered.
I’m also thrilled that I made it to the 3rd round of the NYC Midnight Short Screenplay Challenge. That was my goal and I met it. Woo-hoo! I also received some extremely helpful feedback from my writing buddy so I’m planning to rewrite that script soon. (No, he didn’t hate it, he said, “I dig the script.”)
Another thing I’m super happy about is watching my creative process around writing unfold. Who knew it would be this way? I certainly have my ups and downs, but I’m finding that I like to toss around ideas and play with them until I feel solid about the “big ideas” and then I start writing. I like that. :)
Plus, joy of all joys, my husband and I are writing a short story, called “Angel of Misfortune” for the NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge. It’s due today. Can I tell you that ever since I met this man I’ve dreamed of us writing together? It’s so fabulous! And I think the story is pretty good. Oh joy. :)
by Jenna | Apr 26, 2011 | Writing Articles
Resistance is swirling all around us this week.
Are You Resisting Success?
Steven Pressfield, one of my heroes and the author of The War of Art, says in his new book Do The Work: “The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”
All the more reason to go for it, right?
Another favorite piece of advice from Steven Pressfield is about how to choose which one of your ideas to pursue first: The one that scares you the most.
The Many, Many Forms of Resistance
Then today as I was reading “Week 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength” in The Artist’s Way, I found the concept of Resistance coming up big time. Julia Cameron talks about the creative blocks we come up with to avoid our art:
- I’m too old. (age block)
- What am I going to get out of it? (finished product block)
- I’m too busy. (workaholism)
- I have more important things to do first. (workaholism)
- I have to overhaul my whole life first. (drama)
Taking Action to Overcome Resistance
Julia makes the point that we must take small, daily, creative actions to accomplish our creative goals rather than looking for one big sweeping gesture. This is one of my biggest pitfalls.
Steven Pressfield makes a similar point about showing up every day, to do the work.
Jennifer Louden says, “Just. Do. The. Writing.“
Sonia Choquette taught us, “Suit up. Shut up. Show Up.” (I’m fairly certain she attributes this teaching to Julia Cameron herself.)
What To Do With All This
At the end of our session today, we outlined our Secret [Big] Dreams. “In a perfect world, I would secretly love to be a ______________.” My answer: A published author.
Then we identified our “true north” for that dream — the how-you-know-when-you-get-there goal. Mine: A real physical book published with a core group 0f raving fans.
We picked a mentor for that dream. (Mine: Steven Pressfield. Seems obvious!)
Then we identified a 5 year vision and a 1 year action plan. My one year action plan looked like this: Write regularly. Get clear on what to focus on.
So I asked myself, “Of all my ideas, what would scare me the most?” The answer: A creativity book. (Holy shit, Batman.)
My participants asked why — my “Who do I think I am?” stories come up fast. But I’m ready to go there anyway. So now I know what my book is about, and I can get to work on it along with my screenplay (which I’ve been working on this week, hurrah!). Yowza.
by Jenna | Mar 8, 2011 | Reflections
Yesterday I went to an art store on an Artist’s Way-style Artist Date.
I found myself in tears over a 28″ x something stretched canvas that made me remember how much I’ve always wanted to try oil painting. I walked away from it quickly and then turned to go back to see what else there was to “see.”
I remembered my old boyfriend who was a “real” artist (Julia Cameron says shadow artists like to hang out with real artists and project their creativity onto their partners. Um. Here!).
I remembered how he had painted a picture of the girl he was cheating on me with and tried to pretend that it was just a gift for a friend.
On a similar piece of canvas.
I remembered how he had made me a painting a long time before I and I hadn’t liked it and didn’t know what to do about it. He never did give it to me, and I never did know how to handle it.
Double ouch.
And then the tears spiked again over a beautiful “artist’s marker pad” that was a perfect vehicle for the diagrams I’ve been wanting to do. (I brought it home.)
As I walked through the aisles of the art store, I was reminded of all the delicious art tools I already own, but that have been untouched for so long.
I wondered why I stopped doing the watercolors that delighted me so much once upon a time. Did I stop simply because I stopped traveling overseas so often? Had I lost the connection because I’d given up urban design work? Did it just start to feel too much like work?
All around the store I found reminders of my past creative endeavors (fabric dyeing, rug making, drafting and tracing, portfolios, yummy art supply containers) and so many possible future adventures. I thought about how I couldn’t afford to buy all the supplies so there was no point in learning a new craft.
But I also considered how much I love learning the tools of my craft — whatever it is — designing, drafting, drawing, coaching, website making — I am such the perpetual student. A true renaissance soul (or “scanner”). And how I wished I could just simply be a perpetual student (oh, wait a minute, I kind of already am) with a patron who wanted to sponsor all my wild ideas and wonderful projects (well, not so much that part, at least not yet).
Whilst all this transpired, I continued a conversation I’ve been having with myself for the past few days.
If I love what I do, will I love it ALL the time?
Will it ALWAYS feel easy and like I can’t wait to leap out of bed in the morning?
My screenwriting teacher often spoke of the pain of writing, the loneliness of it. That it would feel like swimming in a vast sea, just trying to get to the next “tent pole” in a script as if it were a buoy you could grab hold of to save you from drowning.
There are days when writing feels like a wretched chore. When it feels like I’ll never (ever) succeed at it, that my work will never be any good, and my ideas are not clever or brilliant enough.
But if they are my ideas, are they not enough? Isn’t it enough to write what I’ve been given, unleash my creativity as far as I can and hope for the best?
I look for where my fear comes up biggest and loudest, and go there. Is that always going to feel easy and flowing and delightful? I doubt it.
At the same time, there are days when writing feels like the most precious gift I’ve ever experienced.
A freedom to put words on the page and become one with them in the most amazing discovery of story and flow and ideas and energy that I’ve ever seen.
I figure there are good days and there are hard days.
