Is there a dark side to accountability?
I’m a big fan of accountability.
Telling people you are going to do something is a great motivator for actually seeing it through.
It’s especially useful when it comes to doing something we care deeply about or holds great import in our lives but we have a lot of resistance around doing, like writing.
On some level, when we know we’re about to do something BIG, something that fulfills the calling or deeper purpose behind why we are here, we get scared.
We ask ourselves:
- What if it works?
- What if it doesn’t?
- What if I can’t pull it off?
It’s like looking at the sun
These are the typical fears of someone staring their Big Dream in the face.
And usually, it’s too much to look at for long — it’s too bright, like staring into the sun.
And when we do look at our Big Dreams, they can feel overwhelming.
We feel like we have to do the whole thing NOW. Today. Tomorrow.
No wonder we put them off.
Take one bite at a time
That’s where the deliciousness of accountability for small daily action makes such a beautiful difference. It helps us break things down into the smallest incremental bites and take consistent action on them.
That’s how you eat an elephant — one bite at a time.
What happens when you don’t?
But what happens when you don’t take the small daily actions? I see people commit to their dreams but then fail to take action on them.
I feel so sad when this happens, not because they have failed to do their work, but because they have failed to ask for help.
True accountability can and should occur in a safe, supportive space where people feel comfortable coming forward and saying, “I’m not taking action on this and I don’t know why. Can you help me?”
Then, your accountability partners can help you find out why, and what might work better.
Safe space is co-created
One thing that many people fail to notice is that safe space is co-created.
When I welcome people into my writing community, I make a point to talk about how we want participants to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. We want to know the whole person, the self that has an easy time and the self that has a hard time, so we can truly support and witness each other.
We co-create our safe space by being honest with each other. It doesn’t happen by accident or only on my end.
I hold the space, you come into it, and we perpetuate it by being present and truthful with each other.
Without honesty, we get shame
By being truthful together in that space, we can avoid falling into the dark side of accountability: Shame.
Shame can be a positive motivator when it comes to accountability — it’s part of what gets us into action. But if it persists, and we don’t take action and we don’t talk about it, it can consume us, overwhelm us, and keep us stuck.
Bottom line?
True accountability and support happens in partnership.
If you’re finding yourself hiding out, it’s time to get help. We ALL feel this way at times — I certainly do.
The key is to reach out and get support from the right people who can help you get back on track.