by Jenna | Aug 1, 2012 | Writing Articles
Last week I wrote a post called, “Stop buying stuff and do the work.” It resonated for more than a few people — and I had promised to write more about WHY we don’t do the work.
So why don’t we do the work?
First, an example.
For years (literally) I said I wanted to write, but I managed instead to fill my plate with training after training after training, and volunteer job after volunteer job. I studied with Coach For Life and Sonia Choquette, pursuing certifications with them. I started and ran organizations like the Sensitive Professionals Network, Six Sensory San Francisco, and a Coach For Life graduates forum, not to mention working as a youth leader with a youth group.
I read (and bought) countless books on coaching, intuitive development, angels, high sensitivity and so much more. Some of them I hardly even opened.
Then I spent more time, energy, and money on learning business skills and developing my message with several high business coaches, and completing hand analysis training.
And while I don’t regret what I was doing — after all, I have tremendously deepened my self-knowledge, grown as a person, learned a ton, and met wonderful people along the way, I was keeping myself so busy that I wasn’t pursuing my true dream of writing.
Throughout that time (and for years before it), I had a nagging feeling that I was “waiting for my life to start” and yet I wasn’t taking action to change anything. Instead I was filling my time doing all those other wonderful things.
And they were wonderful — but in hindsight, it was still resistance.
What’s that about?
It’s all too easy to think we are too busy, that we don’t have enough time. Or that we just need to get better organized. Or just get this one more thing done first.
And the thing is, we feel good that we are contributing great things to the world and our community and that we are learning so much.
And we are. We do.
ALL of these things are true.
We are not bad people after all, we have good intentions and we are interested in so many things.
But why does the one true dream always fall to the bottom of the pile? Why do we make choices that keep us from our dreams?
This is not a new answer
In my case — and I suspect it is true for many people if not most — it’s fear.
This is why we buy stuff we don’t need, keep ourselves too busy to think or connect inward to our deeper selves, procrastinate, spin in circles, get apathetic, and all those other things that add up to resistance.
Because it is scary.
Pursuing your truest, deepest dream is the most frightening thing imaginable — you might not even consciously recognize that you are afraid.
It’s your own hero’s journey
Pursuing your true dream — your art, writing, business, or passion — requires massive amounts of courage. It’s your own personal hero’s journey. Every single day you have to be willing to face down your personal demons, fight the resistance, and forge ahead.
It’s no wonder we want to avoid it, right? And we are so clever that we don’t even know that’s what we’re doing.
Time to clear the decks and answer the call to adventure. It’s waiting for you.
Warmly,
by Jenna | Jul 25, 2012 | Writing Articles
One of the biggest mistakes I see people making (and I do it myself) is buying and investing in various products, books, and services but never actually doing the work.
It’s tempting to think that if we just invest in X then we’ll automatically have Y.
It’s just like a gym membership — the only way to lose weight or get in shape is to actually go and workout. You can’t just pay for it, you have to use it.
Say and pray doesn’t fly
Even programs that are well designed to give you a regular, daily opportunity to participate, it doesn’t pay off to sign up and just “hope it works.” You actually have to do the work, make the hard choices, and face the difficult obstacles to get the results you want.
In our instant gratification society, we want to believe that there’s a single cure-all or an over-night remedy that will just fix everything while we sleep.
Doesn’t work like that, unfortunately.
And when we combine it with a culture where most of us feel broken and like we need to be cured, well, it’s not too hard to see we’ve got a problem.
Ways we do this
Here are some examples of the ways we do this:
- Enrolling in a gym but not using it.
- Buying books but not reading them.
- Going to healers but not doing the exercises or integration work they assign us.
- Taking classes but not implementing what we learn.
- Signing up for programs but not participating in them.
I’m guilty of all of these things. How about we make a pact right now to stop the madness?
The sad thing is that so many people are spending so much money on programs and training (I see it in the coaching world in particular, but it’s also true in writing, business, etc.) but never taking the time to integrate or even implement what they’ve learned. And sometimes before one class is over they’re already signed up for another one. Many people are in thousands and thousands of dollars in debt as a result.
Solutions
Here are a few ideas about how we can change this up:
- Ask yourself, “Is this truly important to me?” If the answer is yes, figure out how to make it happen. Your actions demonstrate your priorities. Period. Figure out a way to be all in. If the answer is no, let it go and move on.
- Make space for it: Something I learned from Miriam is to block off time in my schedule for learning. I love it.
- Look at the stockpiled “stuff” you’ve already invested in and make a clear decision about what you sincerely want to use. Let the rest go.
- Question whether or not you are truly ready to learn anything new right now. Consider your energy, bandwidth, and other commitments. Consider not signing up for or purchasing anything new unless it’s 100% in alignment with your highest priorities.
- If you don’t have the bandwidth but you want to take something on, be clear on what you’ll give up to make it happen. One of the biggest mistakes I see writers making, for example, is hoping they’ll have time to write instead of creating time for it. I see this with entrepreneurs, artists, and sensitives as well.
Bottom line
We’ve got to stop torturing ourselves by taking on more than we can handle. In a way, doing that is a form of resistance. Look to see what sacred priority is being forced to the bottom of the pile because of the choices you’re making. Is that okay with you?
Warmly,
by Jenna | Jul 4, 2012 | Writing Articles
I’ve got decision making on my mind.
Last week I wrote about how there’s always something that will get in the way of our dreams — if we let it. I’ve been hearing from a number of people that they just don’t have time to take action on their dream, whether it’s a business or a creative venture.
Another vein of excuses runs along the lines of not being ready, needing more training, or having to “get through” something first.
I’ve said all those things myself at one time or another.
The key to making a change is making a decision
A “Life Decision” as Dr. Phil calls it — a life changing, unalterable decision that you know you won’t go back on.
This is not the same as “trying.”
It’s not the same as “seeing how it goes.”
It means making an unequivocal decision to take a course of action because you are determined to make a change.
These aren’t decisions that come along frequently. They are LIFE decisions, after all.
Life decisions
Life decisions involve commitment to a way of being and a sense of identity, combined with taking powerful action.
Two examples:
1. When I quit smoking (I can’t believe I used to smoke either) I made a decision that I would never, ever smoke a cigarette again. I had been through too many instances of quitting and learned first hand that it was such a slippery slope for me that the only way to guarantee that I wouldn’t backslide was to vow never to do it again. I could feel the strength of that decision in my bones the moment I made it. That was in 1993. I haven’t smoked since and I never will.
2. When I founded my writing community and made a decision to think of myself as a writer, I also made a life decision. It’s not that I hadn’t been writing before — but this time I made a conscious choice to pursue writing like my life depended on it. To that end, I write 6 days a week, and I refuse to stop.
The power of decisions
I’ve seen the power of decisions first hand, particularly with my writing community members. Decisions change their lives. Those that make a decision to write and to use the system succeed. Those that sign up, but don’t make that decision — that soul-level commitment, don’t. The system can help motivate you, but it can’t make the decision for you.
The same is true with any diet, program, or system, isn’t it? The decision to get something out of it — to be all in — it’s yours, isn’t it?
On the subject of decisions
Chris Guillebeau recently wrote a great post about decisions that I think you’ll like — and make sure you also read his article about how NOT to make decisions, while you’re at it.
Warmly,
by Jenna | Jun 29, 2012 | Writing Articles
A lesson I’ve been talking about lately is that excuses are endless and there is ALWAYS something that will get in the way of fulfilling your calling — if you let it.
I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard from who say they will pursue their big dream — but later…
When they have more time.
When they aren’t so busy.
When things settle back down.
After they file their taxes, or finish their remodel project, or …
After the kids die
Have you seen that joke about the couple who goes to get divorced in their 90s? When asked why they waited so long, they respond, “We had to wait until the kids died.”
It’s a great reminder of the way we fool ourselves into waiting.
News flash: This is it!
Unless something truly extreme is going on (you’re in the hospital, a close relative just died, you just had a baby, etc.), nothing is ever going to change. There will ALWAYS be something.
Even worse: you’re doing it to yourself.
The sooner you accept that and make time for your big dream, no matter what, the happier you are going to be.
It doesn’t have to be a lot
Don’t fool yourself about what it takes either. The brilliance of the writing community that we can translate for anyone — writer or not — is the power of incremental, cumulative progress. If you’re telling yourself that you’ve got to have big chunks of time to get your life’s work done, I say, bull shit.
All it takes is a little bit of time, every day.
In my writing community, I was thrilled to see one of the writers — who was writing for just 5 minutes a day — say that she believes in herself as a writer again.
You can have that too — if you’re willing to give it to yourself.
And I know you can.
What are you telling yourself about why you can’t take action on your big dream?
See that for what it is, and put your energy where your heart is.
It’s worth it.
by Jenna | Jun 20, 2012 | Writing Articles
Over the last week, I’ve seen a lot of conversation about being professional. In part this was from a writer’s perspective, but it also came up in the broader context of reading Steven Pressfield’s new book, Turning Pro: Tap Your Inner Power and Create Your Life’s Work, which is a book for “artists, entrepreneurs, and athletes whose ambition is … to pursue their heart’s calling and make it work.”
If I had to pick one role model to follow, I’d be hard pressed not to choose Steven Pressfield. He’s inspiring, practical, and amazing, and a man after my own heart. If I stand for anything, it’s about helping you get out of your own way and do what you were put here to do.
Do the work
What I love about Steven’s work is that he doesn’t say that it will be easy, that you should do what you love and the money will follow, or any of that.
What he says, instead, is that doing the work is hard. That we have to face our fears everyday and get our butts in our seats no matter what to do the work — whatever it is.
Passion is a misnomer
I also read yesterday that passion is a misnomer (I’ve written about this subject before myself). In this guest essay, Joshua Fields Millburn points out:
“Just because you’re passionate about something doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy every aspect of it.
“In fact, I’ve found the opposite to to be true. While writing my first masterpiece, Falling While Sitting Down, it was a miserable experience 80% of the time. Seriously, much of the time I wanted to put my head through a wall. But the other 20% was magical and exciting and made all the suffering and drudgery well worth it.
“The key is pushing through the tedium of the 80%, so you can find the beauty beneath the banality; it’s there, plentiful in that remaining 20%. You have to tolerate the pain, if you want to pursue your dream.”
Turning pro means being a grown up
When I talked with Elaine yesterday about writing, we agreed with Joshua. Pursuing anything meaningful is hard, a lot of the time. It takes being a grown up and facing the hard sucky parts to get to the other side of completion. It means surfing the waves of pain and self-doubt, sitting on the throne of agony, and doing the work.
It’s time we started telling the truth about that.
Remember, even Ray Kinsella went through his own kind of hell before people came to his field of dreams.
What if we loved even the crummy parts?
And while it’s tempting to pursue one’s calling with the focus on the magical 20% — the epiphanies, sudden insights, and flashy Elvis moments — I can’t help wondering, isn’t it worth it to enjoy ALL of it?
Someone asked me recently, “What’s your story of ‘turning pro?'”
Here’s my answer: The day I turned pro with my writing was the day that I realized that if someone offered me $10,000,000 with the condition that I could never write again, I would turn them down. I knew with incredible conviction that I want to write — I must write — and I will allow nothing to stop me. Not even the bad days where I think I can’t write myself out of a shoebox let alone put a whole script together.
Now the only questions about my writing are: What to write, what to write next, and how to make my writing better and hone my craft. And then what to write after that.
That was the day I turned pro.
When you just can’t do anything else
Steven Pressfield tells a similar story. He talks about how despite his doubts and failures, he knew that he simply couldn’t do anything else but write, and when he tried anything else, he couldn’t stand it. So he had no choice but to keep writing. And he did.
I’m with him.
Bottom line
There’s an idea out there about making “life decisions.” These are unalterable, no-turning-back decisions where you are all in. To me, that’s what it means to turn pro. What about you?
Warmly,
by Jenna | Jun 13, 2012 | Writing Articles
I was emailing with a beloved client this week who was concerned about setting herself up for failure by taking on something she might not be ready for.
I said, "It's not about failing or not failing, it's about learning what works for you and what doesn't, and refining until it does."
She made a great choice to take a midway step toward the thing she was considering.
In the meantime, our conversation got me thinking about failure and our relationship to it.
The Payoff of Incapacity
Then today I started reading Steven Pressfield's new book, Turning Pro: Tap Your Inner Power and Create Your Life's Work. (If you haven't read his stuff, don't wait. He's amazing.) He says:
"There's a difference between failing (which is a natural and normal part of life) and being addicted to failure. When we're addicted to failure, we enjoy it. Each time we fail, we are secretly relieved."
He argues that when you remain addicted to failure you allow yourself to indulge in the "payoff of incapacity." And what's the payoff there? Leaving your talents "unexplored, untried, and unrealized."
And doesn't that make sense?
Let's face it, fulfilling your dreams is wickedly terrifying. What if you do fail? What if you can't rise to the challenge?
It's safer not to try. Easier to stay addicted to failure.
But you don't really want to be a zombie, right?
To me, the risk of not trying is much more costly.
Our culture is filled with shadow people -- speaking of zombies, these are the real walking dead -- never pursuing their hopes and dreams, selling out for the American dream and not living their own.
We pay with our souls when we don't do our Work.
Edison Knew Better
In various online sources, the numbers differ about exactly how many times Thomas Edison failed when he attempted to make a light bulb, but there is agreement on one thing: He made so many attempts that most of us would have given up long before he did. LONG before.
His take on the situation was to say that he had not failed, but rather proven that all those other methods did not work.
Design Better Experiments
Which takes me back to my client and the principle I shared with her.
When we choose to see our "failures" as failed experiments, we can design new ones, and see what works better.
Create Better Systems
For example, I have been terrible about filing for years. On Monday it dawned on me that I simply need a better system and that I haven't completely finished designing that system. I've worked on it, it's better, but it isn't done. That's all. It's not that I'm a bad person or even bad at filing, it's that I don't have a workable system yet.
Look at What's Not Working
As another example, at one point I had a bad system for paying my team too. They would email me their invoices and I would procrastinate about paying them. It wasn't that I didn't want to, it was that it seemed overwhelming. Sometimes I'd even be worried the invoices would be too high. I'd have to force myself to download and open their invoices, figure out how much I owed them, write the checks, address the envelopes, get them in the mail, etc. I'd do it, but it felt like pulling teeth. I was often late.
Needless to say, no one was very happy about it, so we came up with a new system.
My team members now put their invoice numbers and amounts due in the subject lines of their email messages to me. At a glance, I know exactly how much I owe them. We also made an agreement that I'd pay them no later than 2 days after I receive their invoices. And they all send them on a specific day every other week. I also have sheet of pre-printed address labels for each of them ready to go.
Now, when the time comes, I just whip out my checkbook, write out the checks, drop them in the self-sealing envelopes, decorate them with the address labels and stamps and voilà. Done.
Something I used to dread has become simple and doable, just because I took the time to create a system for it.
This Works for the Big Stuff too
When it comes to the big stuff, your Work, this works too.
For example, if you want to build your business, but you're not taking steps each day to do that, look at what's getting in the way and what you're doing instead.
If you want to write but you think you don't have the time, look -- really, truly LOOK -- at what you're doing with with your time.
If you want to put yourself out there for speaking gigs, getting more clients, doing more art, or going on more auditions, look at what you're doing, or not doing, to make that happen.
Then create a system to help you overcome the roadblocks you're unwittingly putting in your own way.
Bottom Line
The beauty of taking time to really LOOK at where your systems are breaking down -- at where you are "failing" -- is that it can make a huge difference in your sense of accomplishment and belief in yourself. Which is so worth the investment.
