by Jenna | Oct 10, 2012 | Writing Articles
I’ve learned to closely examine my tripping points to look for solutions.
By tripping points I mean the places in my routine where I fail to see something through to completion, whether it’s a household task, a writing project, or a personal phone call I’m just not making.
Tripping points can occur at any point in the continuum of a project or task, from start to finish.
Tripping points lead to incompletion
As I’ve studied my own process and observed my clients as well, what I’ve found is that we collectively have a tendency to either skip over key steps or fail to think through the full process.
Both of these have the same result: incompletion.
Find a higher thought
I think the inception of this exploration began back in my 20s when I was working with a therapist and I used to write my checks to her at the end of the session. There was always an awkward moment, waiting for me to do so. One day she said to me, “Other clients write out checks in advance.”
It was a new thought, something I hadn’t considered. I even realized that I was drawing out the time with her by waiting to write the checks at the end. I vowed to change my pattern right away. From that day forward, I always arrived with check in hand and had the matter settled from the start.
The tiniest things make a big difference
When it comes to getting things done, I’ve learned that the tiniest things make a big difference many times over. With my writing, for example, if the computer is right next to me when I wake up, I’m much more likely to work on my script right away — particularly if I’ve closed my email program before lights out the night before.
Mind you, I’m not always perfect about everything (thank goodness, or my inner rebel would freak out) but it’s highly useful to know the tricks that will get me into action. That said, I still have some lingering items (that darn video!) that need work.
The 2 second rule
I read recently (I wish I could remember where, if you know please tell me) about a guy who wanted to read more but was always turning on the television instead of picking up a book. His solution was to take the batteries out of his television remote control, making it just that much harder (2 seconds harder) to turn on the TV — and he found himself reading a lot more.
I’ve seen writers in my writing community do similar things — making sure their writing materials are at the ready so that when they wake up, it’s easy to get started.
I’ve heard about a virtual assistant who keeps post-it notes on her fridge to track her hours and to do items so it’s extra easy to jot it down rather than having to dig out her work notebook.
I keep magnetic note pads on my refrigerator and have a system for keeping my pantry filled: If something gets taken out of the pantry, it goes on the list. We always have an extra bottle of ketchup that way. (Good thing with little kids around, and in earthquake country to boot.)
by Jenna | Sep 26, 2012 | Writing Articles
In the world of coaching, particularly in career and entrepreneurial coaching, much emphasis is put on the question of what you are passionate about.
It's a direct result of the "do what you love and the money will follow" paradigm.
I've written before (here) about why I think this is the wrong question to be focused on.
So many of us are so deeply out of touch with ourselves that we feel passionless, and quite frankly, being asked to name what we are passionate about can create a heightened sense of despair and confusion.
I've also submitted to you that you must rather find the things you believe in beyond reason, the dreams that make you cry when you merely contemplate making them real, the visions that humble you with their enormity when you consider the possibility that YOU might be capable of creating them.
When you still don't know?
What do you do when you STILL don't know what that thing is?
You listen.
You listen to the voice of your soul. You listen for those little whispers and nudges that tell you exactly what you are supposed to be doing. And then you do it.
Mind you, those nudges won't be loud. But they will be consistent. You just have to pay attention. Then take action.
Case in point
I have wanted to write for years. Years! And I've been "writing," because I've been blogging, writing articles, and creating programs for the last 10 years (oh, hey! I just realized that August was my 10th year in business, I'll have to come up with a way to celebrate). But I haven't been writing on the level that I've truly wanted to -- longer, deeper writing projects.
Finally, I started taking that voice seriously. I realized that I didn't need to close my business to write, I didn't need to become suddenly independently wealthy, and I didn't need someone to wave their magic wand and give me permission to write. I just needed to do it.
In fact, when this came to head for me was when I had been repeatedly asking my Essential Self for guidance. "What do I need to do? What's in my highest and best interest? What will make me happy?" I was asking, over and over again. The message came back, clearly. She said, "Write like your life depends on it."
It STILL took me a while to get it. To understand that I didn't need to radically change my life (see above) in order to "be able" to write. I just had to do it.
Then came the passion
Miraculously, once I began writing, I discovered a shocking, all-consuming fierce passion for it I did not know I had.
In fact, despite the days when writing feels impossibly difficult, no fun at all, and my inner critic is raging at me like a blue meanie on steroids, I still absolutely adore it.
The weirdest part of all of this is that the passion did not kick in, not truly, until I was well into writing regularly -- truly DOING IT -- day in and day out.
It's led me to believe that passion follows action, not the other way around.
But I add this caveat: The action must be inspired -- it must come from the voice of your soul.
by Jenna | Aug 29, 2012 | Writing Articles
Last week I wrote about “how I do it all, or not” and promised to follow up with tricks I know that help (but don’t always use) in today’s post.
Tricks I know but don’t always use
#1 Put my own agenda first
Something I was reminded of recently is that if I start my day with email, I end up focused on other people’s needs and desires — not in the energy that will help me fulfill my bigger dreams.
It’s when I put my own work first — either my writing or other “big” tasks for the day — I’m much happier and get more accomplished.
#2 Pick out the big three
I’ve also learned that if I can start off by picking the 3 big tasks that need to be completed in a given day and focus there first, the day works out for the best.
The challenge is that usually one or all of those three things is hard and triggers resistance. It’s all too easy to want to procrastinate about them, which means other things tend to expand as a way off putting of those hard things, like when I suddenly feel that it’s critically important to organize my digital files or purge my inbox.
Facing the music and doing those tasks, whatever they are (e.g. writing a challenging section of my script or making an uncomfortable phone call) is something I work on every single day.
#3 Be clear about what you need to let go
To make all of what I do happen, I’ve given up a lot.
When I had my son, I stopped volunteering so much of my time. I hired more help for my business and gave up doing so much of it myself.
When I started writing, I gave up watching so many movies and episodic programs.
Now I still watch television, but it’s very focused (and often kid friendly). I watch one movie or show at a time, usually on some kind of streaming or DVD. I don’t have cable and we no longer get regular TV reception (can you even do that anymore?).
I also gave up a lot of late night internet browsing and started getting up early so I could focus on my writing.
Bottom line
I’m not always consistent — some day I’ll get around to talking about discipline and creativity and breaking rules — but I do find that when I use these tricks I’m much happier than when I don’t.
Warmly,
by Jenna | Aug 22, 2012 | Writing Articles
A few weeks ago, someone said to me, “I don’t know how you do it all.”
The truth is, I don’t.
I’m doing a lot, and there is a lot I’m not doing.
How I do what I do
The key distinction I see between me and other people I know is that I have learned — through pain staking trial and error — to put the hard stuff first.
In other words, I schedule time to do what’s most important to me first, which includes my writing, my work, and my family.
I work on screenwriting first thing 6 mornings a week, give or take time off for good behavior.
I have time scheduled on my calendar for marketing, learning time, administrative and financial time, writing my non-fiction articles for my site and for my ScriptMag.com column. I block out time on Fridays for longer stretches of time to write.
I have time set aside for my family, fun, and taking care of the house.
But I still don’t do it all
And, I don’t always accomplish all those things in quite the way I’d like. I learned from Miriam to use “time blocks” — to set aside the time each week, so that if I have to miss an activity one day, I know I’ve got the time for it next week for catching up.
Where I drop the ball
The biggest place I’m dropping the ball is housecleaning. My house is much less clean than I would like it to be. And, I’m okay with that. Seems to me there are more important things than a sparkling clean house.
I also give up time with family more than I’d like, and my social with girlfriends is in need of repair. I’m not so okay with that and still working on it.
Another place I drop the ball is with “extra stuff.” Lately I’ve been dealing with a slew of unusual medical appointments, paperwork, and challenging decisions. And there’s stuff I lump into the “extra” category that needs a regular time slot too, like filing.
So clearly, there’s room for improvement here.
Looking from the outside in
I think it’s always worth keeping in mind that what looks easy from the outside isn’t always so. Whether we’re looking at someone else’s relationship, business, finances, or life, we just can’t truly know what it’s like. So even if it looks like I’m “doing it all,” trust me, I’m not. And I’m mostly okay with that.
Next week — tricks I know but don’t always use.
Warmly,
by Jenna | Aug 15, 2012 | Writing Articles
There’s a lot you want to do.
It’s important to you, or you wouldn’t be doing it.
In fact, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t believe you had something worth sharing with the world, even if you aren’t 100% clear on all the details yet.
My experience of being a creative, an entrepreneur, and a sensitive soul is a bit like navigating through a misty swamp. There are days and times when I catch clear glimpses of exactly where I want to go, and other days when I’m deep in the swirling fog and I can’t see my way through it.
Sometimes, I flounder on those days and lose my way.
Other times, I soldier on anyway.
Either way, it’s not easy.
If you’ve lost heart, try one of these:
- Reach out to people who remember who you are, even when you can’t. A good chat with a mentor or best friend is a soothing balm at times like these.
- Remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing in the first place. There IS a reason — a core message, idea, or purpose you care deeply about.
- Find it within yourself to do your best, even when your best on that particular day is just showing up.
- Do something different — get a new perspective, expose yourself to new ideas, or watch or read something inspiring.
- Remind yourself that what you’re doing takes courage, it’s normal to falter now and again, and carry on doing the work anyway, trusting that you’ll get to the other side one way or the other.
Once you’ve made it through the morass to the other side, see if there’s something you can set up to help remind yourself quickly and easily about why you do what you do. A beloved client and I were just talking about Simon Sinek’s “Start With Why” talk and devised a way for her to post her why, how, and what in front of her as she does her work. She’s going to post it on a bulletin board to help remind herself of what she’s about.
Warmly,
by Jenna | Aug 8, 2012 | Writing Articles
“Impostor syndrome” — the feeling that you are a fake or a fraud — usually goes along with a fear that people will find out you are not actually good at what you say can do. Or perhaps that you can’t do it at all.
Most of my clients and colleagues all mention feeling this way at one time or another. I have felt this way myself, in everything I’ve ever undertaken, including graduate school, urban design, coaching, and writing. The internal message runs something like, “I don’t know what I’m doing and someone is going to notice. I’ll be found out. They’ll know I’m a fraud.”
Is this for real?
Wikipedia describes impostor syndrome as a “psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments,” and that “despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.”
Apparently this feeling is most common among people (both men and women) who are highly intelligent and who are high achievers.
Isn’t this interesting?
The “impostor cycle”
I’ve read that impostor syndrome is not actually a psychological problem but rather a cultural phenomenon tied to learned behavioral patterns of high achievers who get caught in an “impostor cycle” of over-preparing and procrastination. To me, this reads like part of the formula for perfectionism too.
What can we do?
On the days when you feel like a fraud:
- Remind yourself of all the things you HAVE accomplished: The work you’ve done, the lives you’ve touched, the relationships you’ve built, and the experiences you’ve had. If it helps, make a list and keep it handy for an emergency.
- Remember to ratchet back your expectations to aiming for great work rather than pushing yourself past all reasonable human limits striving for perfection.
- Recognize that you’re probably feeling insecure because you’re venturing into new territory or wanting to reach for something bigger.
- Don’t let yourself go into hiding or hold yourself back — keep reaching for your dreams.
Warmly,
