by Jenna | Jul 17, 2013 | Writing Articles
So many writers I’ve spoken to recently are talking about finishing; many at that point of having just finished a major draft or putting the finishing touches on one.
It got me to thinking about the ingredients that go into the mix to make that happen.
It strikes me that there are both internal and external aspects to these success stories. What I see on the internal side is:
- Vision — having an idea or a calling to see something come to fruition.
- Passion — having a love or interest or fierce desire for a specific project or idea.
- Decision — making the decision to tackle the project.
- Courage — having the courage to dive in to the unknown.
- Perseverance — having the wherewithal to stick with something.
- Intuition — knowing when something is right for you, or not.
Hopefully we have all these skills. If we don’t, we can strengthen them within ourselves. (And there are good coaches and therapists who can help us do just that.)
So yes, completing any project requires a tremendous amount of drive, determination, and courage. But even the strongest of strong-hearted among us get tripped up by a laundry list of obstacles, like:
- Doubt — what if I can’t do it?
- Fears — of success, failure, rejection, disapproval, shame
- Resistance — the force that repels us from our dreams
- Procrastination — our tendency to put off anything that moves us toward completion of our dreams
- Perfectionism — the belief that perfection is attainable and that if we’re not hitting it, we’re failing.
- Bad habits — putting vices before taking action on our dreams.
- Poor self- management — struggles with discipline, decision-making, commitment, time choices.
- Poor self-care — not taking care of our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits.
- Comparison with others — thinking other people are doing better than we are.
- Obsessing about our chances of success — focusing on the big questions rather than doing our work.
- Approval-seeking — looking outside ourselves for validation of our talent or ability.
- Life challenges — stopping when life gets hard.
Many of these things can be solved with self-awareness and determination, and yet what I see time and again is that we can draw on resources outside ourselves to help us make it through the rough patches. Things like:
- Support — there’s nothing quite like having other people believe in you, especially when you’ve temporarily forgotten your own skill and ability.
- Daily accountability — having support to see it through, to keep showing up and do the daily work is deeply motivating.
- Community — being a part of a community where you are with other people who truly “get” what you’re experiencing helps end the sense of isolation we can all experience at times.
- Energy — the shared energy of working together, whether side by side or as a team, can move us into action when we’re otherwise flagging.
- Inspiration — a shared spirit of energy and enthusiasm can reignite us when the going gets tough.
Warmly,
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by Jenna | Jul 10, 2013 | Writing Articles
As writers and creatives with a certain sensitivity to life, we can get easily overwhelmed, which can be paralyzing, deeply uncomfortable, and hard to break free from.
Let’s talk about why that happens and what we can do about it.
There are a few different ways overwhelm happens, and they inform us about how to handle the overwhelm, so it’s useful to look at what’s gotten us overwhelmed in the first place.
1. We get overwhelmed by the size of a project.
When we’re taking on a big project (like writing a novel, for instance), if we look at the entirety of the thing, it can be overwhelming just to contemplate, let alone begin it. I’m reminded of the joke about how to eat an elephant. If we look at the whole thing, it feels impossible. But when we think about taking “one bite at a time”, we can begin to see how to start going about it.
Solutions
- Break it down into component parts. For example, with a writing project, we can start with brainstorming, or an outline. Then we can tackle one scene at a time.
- Make a list of everything you’ll want to do — then put it away. Focus on one thing at a time and stop thinking about the big picture, or you’ll make yourself crazy.
- Look at working in small increments of time, as small as 5 to 15 minutes a day. It’s quite surprising what we can accomplish in these little chunks. I wrote my screenplay Rift in 15 to 30 minute increments, and it was thrilling to see the page count creeping up, day after day.
2. We get plain old overstimulated.
If you fall on the highly sensitive side of the spectrum, you’re more sensitive to stimulation of any kind, and have a lower threshold for stimulation than the rest of the population. This means that you’re more likely to get overwhelmed earlier than your peers, which can feel a little crazy making when everyone else seems to be able to handle it just fine, thank you very much. But overwhelm from overstimulation is just as paralyzing as the other types.
Solutions
- Remove yourself from the source of the stimulation.
- Give yourself time to recover.
- Have a repertoire of soothing practices to get grounded, balanced, and present again.
- Notice that writing will often help you feel more grounded, balanced, and present again.
- Plan ahead to keep stimulation at a manageable level in the future and build in recovery time.
3. We get overwhelmed by life.
Then there’s the “garden variety” overwhelm we experience in our busy world. There’s always more to do, more to take on, more to handle. Someone always needs something, there’s a project that’s due, our kids are sick, you name it.
And it can be easy to let something like a writing habit or a passion project fall to the wayside in the midst of all that. But the cost is far higher than you might expect. It turns out that feeding the passion we feel and fulfilling the commitment to our deeper selves is critical fuel we need to actually handle the overwhelm. Even at a time when “one more thing” feels like way too much, putting ourselves first — just like we put our oxygen masks on first — is key to staying grounded and sane when the going gets tough.
Solutions
As far as solutions go, it depends.
First ask yourself, is this an ongoing pattern in my life? If so, the answer is to look closely at what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, to see if there is anything you can let go of, delegate, or defer. Be willing to keep your passion project at the top of the list, and let go of other obligations. Your first obligation is to yourself. Choose wisely.
On the other hand, if you’re experiencing an unusual period of intense work, simply “contract” your expectations on your project to an attainable level. For example, write for 15 minutes instead of an hour, or pick out the tiniest piece of your project to focus on.
- Be willing to look at what you might need to let go of.
- Contract your project expectations to a reasonable, attainable level.
- Remember the value and importance of feeding your soul’s passion.
- Build up to more over time.
4. We get overwhelmed by major life stresses and events.
Beyond the “ordinary” level of overwhelm we feel in our day to day lives comes the extraordinary kind of stress and overwhelm we can feel when a major life event dominates our experience, like a parent being hospitalized, a major relationship upheaval, the death of a loved one, or personal surgeries or health issues.
During times like these, pretty much everything drops off the radar that isn’t “critical path” to handling the major life event. In my opinion, that’s okay, especially during the true crisis times. But once things start to settle down into a “new normal”, see if you can find your way to doing the contracted version of your project I mentioned under number 2, above.
Solutions
- Give yourself time and space to deal with the major event.
- Return to the project as soon as you reasonably can, at a minimal level of engagement.
- Build up to more over time.
5. We get overwhelmed because we’re burnt out.
When we are creatively (and energetically) burned out, we can get overwhelmed by the simplest things. Keeping the house clean, dealing with paperwork, and handling the basics of daily living can make us want to crawl back into bed and hide.
Usually this happens for a couple of reasons, including dealing with the ongoing high level of expectations we have in our culture about what we should be able to do in any given day (see #2, above), and dealing with major life events (see #3, above), but it can also include the creative backlash that comes from pushing ourselves to the point of burnout.
In other words, if we’re working crazy hours to meet a deadline, we become exhausted when it’s done, and no surprise there either. But few of us allow ourselves to take time off when that happens.
Solutions
- Plan to take at least one solid day off after a big push, maybe a few more.
- If you’re creatively burnt out, give some thought to how you’ll refill your creative well with interesting and inspiring ideas as you recover. My favorites: museums, art stores, toy stores, TED talks.
- If you’re energetically burnt out (which usually goes hand-in-hand with creative burnout), seriously ramp up your self care for a while. You’ve just taxed yourself and you need time to bounce back.
- Keep the writing going by doing morning pages during this time, or if you already have a next project to work on, put in the minimum amount of time on it and then take the rest of the day to renew. But do it first, so you can fully enjoy the time without the low level of stress and anxiety that procrastination creates.
- Transition yourself to a regular writing habit so you won’t have to work so intensely in a big burst all at the end.
Warmly,
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by Jenna | Jul 3, 2013 | Guest Posts
One of the struggles writers often face is the fear that comes up around sharing the truth through our work. It might be the truth about what we think or about who we are. Or perhaps it is about actual experiences we've lived, like those we might share in a memoir.
I've talked to so many writers who are afraid of what will happen when they tell their personal stories or write their memoirs. Fears about hurting people we care about, fears of being rejected or disliked for speaking the truth. These fears can become real impediments to seeing the project through to completion -- and sometimes to even starting it at all!
When Mary Montanye joined my writing community on a colleague's recommendation, she was almost done with her memoir -- but not quite. She was feeling stuck around moving to the final completion point with the project -- a tough moment for any writer -- particularly because her memoir would set some deep and personal truths free into the world. We were proud to help her cross that finish line with the support of our writing community.
I asked Mary to share with us about her experience of completing her memoir and of participating in the writing community.
Perhaps you will be inspired by her story to complete your memoir also. :)
Mary, welcome and thanks for being here.
First, let's talk about your accomplishment — finishing your memoir! You joined the community and finished your memoir in your first session, right? What was that like for you?
I did finish it in my first 4-week session. I was very close to the end when I joined the community. I had been working with a published memoirist/writing coach/teacher for quite a few years and had learned how to write a memoir. She’d helped me dive deep, find the truth and the emotion beneath the “facts” of what had happened. This was good and it made for a meaningful story. However, because I was sharing my truth and some lifelong secrets, I also found it very difficult to push through to the end. Regardless of how often I was told that I didn’t have to “put it out there” if I didn’t want to, I knew the next step after finishing a piece of work was trying to get it published or, if nothing else, to share it with family and friends. This terrified me and, as I closed in on the finish, stopped my writing altogether. Getting over this hump and writing "The End" on the final draft felt great! I have to say this was a highlight of my life.
How long had you been working on the memoir prior to joining the community? In what way did the community help you get over the hump to completing it?
I’d been working on the memoir off and on for five years before joining the community. It provided not only accountability and structure but also a connection to other writers who were putting aside their fears to do what they felt called to do. My writing teacher did provide accountability, but her function was to help me become a better writer. Sometimes when you’re always looking to improve, you never get to the place where you can declare something done, especially when you're afraid to declare a piece done, as I was.
What can you tell us about yourself and about the focus of the memoir?
When my husband and I were living and working in Orange County, CA, I bought -- on the spur of the moment and by myself -- a cabin in a mountain canyon in Colorado. My grandmother had lived in that same canyon when I was a child and I had fond memories of it. That action changed not only my life, but my husband's and my mother's lives. The memoir is based on that. How we all got to the point of living in this beautiful mountain canyon and how it affected our relationships with one another. It is also a story of healing from physical illness and childhood abuse.
How did you find out about the writing community and what inspired you to join us?
I was taking an online class — not sure which one it was now — when one of the other participants mentioned you, Jenna. She loved your newsletters and commented that she was learning a lot from you. I checked out your website, was very impressed, noticed that another writing community session was about to begin, and decided to join. I was feeling stuck in the memoir, but had decided it was time to stop working with my writing coach. I was ready to go out on my own, so to speak, and liked the idea of connecting with a group for accountability. Because I travel a great deal, it was important that the group meet online. First, I signed up for one session to see how I liked it. I am now on my second 4-month round. I liked it a great deal!
What have you learned about your writing process?
I learned that, personally, I need structure and accountability. I’ve always been the type of person who follows through with her commitments. If I declare to the group that I am going to participate in a sprint or be on a coaching or welcome call or write for half hour that day, then it’s likely I’ll do it. The community gives me a place for that kind of accountability. And the community gives me a connection to other writers and coaches who are writers themselves so I don’t feel so alone or unique in my creative struggles. I also discovered that there is an ebb and flow to my creative output. Jenna, her coaches, and the other writers in my small group accept that and honor it. This has normalized for me my way of creating and how my day-to-day life can affect my writing.
What were the biggest challenges you faced before joining? Have they changed? What's different now about your writing habit?
The biggest challenges I faced before joining the writing community were (a) believing that my desire to write was not a valid reason to give it time; and (b) that I was a writer at all! Both these challenges disappeared almost completely in the first month, and that’s pretty amazing given that I’ve held onto those opinions for most of my life. Before joining the community, I would go long periods without working on the memoir. During those periods, I struggled with depression because I wanted to write but was always talking myself out of it. I know it sounds strange, but that’s what was going on with me. Participating in the community gave me a reason to show up to the page and for me, that’s huge. Once I’m actually writing all the excuses and fears fall away for a bit and I know I’m in the right place doing what I need and want to do. These days I rarely miss a day when I’m not writing something and therefore I am also much happier.
What advice do you have for other writers?
My advice to other writers is: Don’t underestimate your desire to write. If you have that desire this is something you are supposed to be doing. I compare it to singing for me. I have absolutely NO desire to sing in a band or a choir or even alone in the shower and that’s a good thing, because I also have absolutely NO talent for it! I believe we are given desire to accompany the talents we have. This isn’t to say that there won’t be times when we won’t want to write. Jenna, her coaches and the other participants of the community have shown me this happens to all of us at one time or another. Still, we return to the work because that’s who we are -- writers.
What’s next for you and your writing?
I’m not sure what’s next for me. I still haven’t decided whether or not I’ll publish the memoir. I think I might publish a small printing through a self-publishing venue and let my friends and families read it. Then, after their input, I’ll decide if I want to try to market it. But I do know I will stay on in the community (I’ve just committed to another four sessions) because they are my people and my life feels fuller when I’m connected to them. And I’ll keep writing … whatever it is I feel to write on any given day.
Is there anything else you’d like to tell us?
I’d like to add that I truly believe that we need to be doing what we feel called to do and to find whatever help we need in order to do it. If we do so, we will be happier people and therefore so will our families, friends and communities. There IS time. Whether or not our work is ever published is not the point. The point is that as writers, we write.
Thank you, Mary!
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by Jenna | Jun 26, 2013 | Writing Articles
Two inner conversations about taking the day off from writing, in which we explore the inner workings of the procrastinator and the recovered procrastinator. :)
Observe.
Conversation 1. The Procrastinator
Daybreak.
“Oh god. It’s too early. I don’t want to write. Besides, I need a day off. I mean, I’ve been pushing myself so hard and everything going on right now is just so stressful. Plus I couldn’t sleep well last night. I really just need some down time to regroup and get in the mood to write. There’s no point otherwise, right? I’ll just take the morning off and write in the afternoon.”
Later that morning.
“This is great! See, I really just needed some time to goof off. I can write later, it’ll be fine.”
Mid-day.
“Okay, wow, that was great. Maybe I should start writing now. But I better check my email first. And I’ve got to call Kathy too. Plus my desk is disorganized, I’ll never be able to concentrate on my writing, I better clear it off. THEN I’ll really be able to focus.”
Later.
“Where did the day go? I’m exhausted. There’s no way I can write now. I better just start over tomorrow. I can write early, when I wake up. That’ll get me back on track.”
And, repeat.
Conversation 2. The Recovered Procrastinator
Daybreak.
“I get to take today off! I hit that major milestone with my draft yesterday. I’m going to celebrate today by putting my feet up and savoring a full, glorious day of guilt-free indulgence and enjoyment. Then back to the writing tomorrow, until I hit the next milestone.”
And, repeat.
What a difference, right?
And the best part is how it FEELS inside. So. Much. Better.
Warmly,
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by Jenna | Jun 19, 2013 | Writing Articles
A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post called “What is failure? What is success?“
As I went to publish the post, I searched for a graphic to go with it, and I was so struck by how the graphics I found showed success and failure as opposites — two things moving away from each other.
Here you can see what I mean:
Or this version:
Pretty much the same thing, right?
The problem I have with these graphics is that they defy logic. I guess we’re supposed to assume that at a key crossroads in our lives we have to make the “right” decision in order to succeed. If we don’t make that “right” decision, we’ll fail. And sure, I suppose there are some truly right and wrong answers, but particularly when it comes to something like “success”, which can have so many different relative definitions, how can there always be one clear answer?
As I discussed in my earlier article, Thomas Edison made endless numbers of attempts to perfect his lightbulb. Were those attempts “failures”? Sure, I suppose in some sense they are. But didn’t those “failures” ultimately lead him to success?
And doesn’t make these graphics inherently flawed?
When you think about it, showing success and failure existing in opposite spaces is a perfect example of a “fixed mindset” versus a “growth” mindset, like Carol Dweck writes about in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.*
Dweck says that a fixed mindset is a belief that “your qualities are fixed in stone” and creates “an urgency to prove yourself over and over.” This kind of thinking leads us to believe that we only have a certain amount of talent, intelligence or character and there’s nothing we can do to improve it — save possibly making the “right” choices.
This ties right into this black or white thinking of success and failure existing only as opposites.
The growth mindset on the other hand, is “the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts.” This means that “a person’s true potential is unknown (and unknowable); that it’s impossible to foresee what can be accomplished with years of passion, toil, and training.”
If we adopt more of a growth mindset about success, it seems to me, we want a graphic that looks something more like this:
Or even like this:
Warmly,
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